Endowment Guide

Third Main Burning "Just Around The Corner"

Date 4/1/2003 12:00 AM | Topic: News

Citing Luther's need for a boost in the endowment during the weak economic times that have beset the nation, Luther President Richard Torgerson stated that the burning of Luther's third Main building was "just around the corner." "Our current Main building was conceived in the spirit of insurance fraud," Torgerson said. "In the 1950s, [then] President Ylvisaker was positive that the sheer ugliness of the building, when compared to the aesthetic beauty of its predecessors, would motivate a student or professor to set fire to it within a year or two." The insurance money that was to come from the destruction of the building would have paid for a luxurious, state-of-the-art residence hall named after former Luther President Oscar Olson. Sadly, no one ever took the initiative to destroy the building, and the college was forced to build a more budget-friendly dorm in Olson's honor. "Very soon however, we're going to follow through with the original plan for this architectural monstrosity. I'm talking ashes by fall semester next year. Ashes I tell you." When asked how the college would cope without a Main building, Vice-President for Finance and Administration Diane Tacke said that "With our new Datatel software, the adademic, administrative, and financial affairs of the college can virtually be managed from President Torgerson's Palm Pilot. Also, students will soon be able to "visit" Main on the world wide web at mymain.luther.edu. Students will be able to sign away their natural lives to student loans, argue with the Registrar, and write bad checks to Financial Services, all from the comfort of their rooms."

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Frank Vomis
Chips Freek Editor

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